There is something mystifyingly strange about this whole Bros Icing Bros phenomena. I am a huge advocate of subculture. I love when I hear about silly little popular trends that haven’t yet made their way into mainstream culture. It makes me feel part of something, as if I am cool enough to be part of the “in” crowd (which, for someone as marginalized as I tend to be, is a small girl rush to my psyche).
So finding out about Bros Icing Bros was kinda cool. But I realize that the theory of it occurring and knowing that not everyone knows about it is a more romantic notion than what Bros Icing Bros actually is.
For those of you not cool like me, I will give you the bylaws:
When one bro spots another bro he can ice him, no matter when or where. This involves handing the approaching bro a Smirnoff Ice. Said bro must then get down and one knee and drink the entire bottle at one time. Failure to do so will leave said bro “excommunicated and shunned,” according to BroBible. (ha! And you thought I was making this whole bro thing up! They even have a bible!)
Now, if a bro is about to be iced but is already carrying a Smirnoff Ice, he can offer it up, thus essentially blocking the ice. Then the offending bro must drink both bottles to continue his part in the bro community.
Why Smirnoff Ice, you ask? Well, because it apparently tastes like shit. And to prove real manliness, a bro should be able to down an entire bottle of the sickeningly sweet beverage in one gulp.
Lemme tell you why this whole thing is fascinating to me. Firstly because there is a definite idea of who does and does not constitute a bro. No women, of course, and only the slickest of men. Mostly fraternity-bred but in my research, not all have fraternity backgrounds. Bros tend to be professional, newly minted executives in some type of corporate setting. I conclude this based on the various icing videos posted on YouTube that take place in the halls of financial offices and golf courses.
Now I am not saying that women cannot be iced—I have seen a few videos of women getting iced but c’mon…we know these chicks are pretty much hopeful mascots. They will never be a real bro, no matter how many times they do bro-like things.
What is perhaps most disturbing to me in this whole bros icing bros thing, is that there is this notion of inclusion and non-inclusion. And we all know how badly we want to belong (hell, I admitted in the first paragraph how cool I am for merely knowing what this icing thing is. And it’s because I belong). At the risk of not belonging, said bro will down the 12oz alcoholic drink (or larger, if their bro buddies are especially cruel) no matter where they are. This means that a lot of icing occurs on the way to job interviews, first thing in the morning, or behind the wheel of a car. Because let’s face it, if you ain’t a bro, you must be…a chick. And what man wants to be called that?
So don’t worry if you haven’t heard about Bros Icing Bros until this blog post. Because you’re still cool. By default. Our own Prez Gearan got iced at this year’s graduation. Cuz you know. Gearan’s a bro.